Ponders Of A Crazy Person

So, I was thinking,  what makes one curse word worse then the others? I mean, piss, damn, hell, shit, bastard, ass, bitch and several others are in books in schools, or are required reading, even in PG13 movies. Some people will say those, yet as soon as Fuck is mentioned, oh no, we can’t say that it’s a bad word. Ok, so what makes it unacceptable? Is it one of the meanings, which is sex, but sex is fine, that is what tons of people are always thinking about. Maybe because it sounds vulgar, but so does piss, and shit. When I asked this I was told it was a stupid question, but what is so stupid about it? I want a good logical answer, not a “Well that’s what we are taught.” To that I say fuck that, we are also said that we can do anything we set our minds to, yet if I jump off a bridge I’m gonna die, not fly. So yeah, I’m going to finish this rant now.

The Tide Began To Rise

These are the lyrics to one of my new favorite songs.

Demon Hunter-The Tide Began To Rise

I don’t belong here
I never saw this on the path I walk
The blood-stained walls, the lines of chalk on the floor
Its getting so hard
I never saw the backlash, when the tide began to rise
I can’t remember
The way it was when everything felt right
My mouth held shut and eyes sealed tight with control

Pre-Chorus:
So I remember on the inside

Chorus:
I found a dark, infernal place, I don’t wanna face anymore
Somehow I won’t stop feeding the pain
My heart’s just the same as before
I found a dark, infernal place, I don’t wanna face anymore
Somehow

So now I’m stuck here
Between the guilty and the insincere
The words I’ve spoke have left me here all alone
I should have known this
I never saw the backlash, when the tide began to rise
I wish it all gone
I could’ve burned it when I had that choice
And now I’d die to kill this noise in my head

Pre-Chorus:
So I remember on the inside

Chorus:
I found a dark, infernal place, I don’t wanna face anymore
Somehow I won’t stop feeding the pain
My heart’s just the same as before
I found a dark, infernal place, I don’t wanna face anymore
Somehow

If this is all the love my spirit can give
Just take it back tonight
There is not a reason more to live

Rambles

Have you ever had your life just go completely wrong, yet you have no clue how, why, or even when? Yeah, that’s how I feel right now. I’m watching as important things in my life just crash around me, and I have no clue how or when it happened. I know it’s probably my fault, but it’s so confusing. I mean it’s like the world doesn’t think I deserve to be happy, so it tries to destory any chance I get. Yet still, part of me believes it. Believes that I don’t deserve happiness or anything remotely close to it. I mean what have I done to deserve it?

Quotes

These are just some quotes I like, I’ll add more as I go. I didn’t write most of these, so props to whoever did.

Wish I had what need to be on my own, because I feel so defeated when I’m feeling alone.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward time to see if in the end it was all worth it.

I buried myself alive on the inside so I could shut you out.

Your tears tell stories of your pain.

If people don’t want me here, why did they have me?

Pain does not hurt, when it’s all you’ve ever felt,

I’d rather walk alone then chase you around.  I’d rather fall by myself than let you drag me down.

I don’t want to admit,  but it was easier to lie, to hide the hurt and the emptiness, to smile instead of cry.

You know they don’t care when they don’t even bother asking why your crying.

Maybe I was just meant to be alone.

Floating as a ghost, through events forever unnoticed.

Everyone hates me and I just want joy, but the only way to make them happy is for me to disappear.

I hide behind these words, behind this veiled face, I hide behind the nothingness that so calmly fades away… I hide.

I don’t run from you, I turn away slowly and it kills me everyday, because you don’t care enough to stop me.

These are the scratches you have left on my soul.

Now i’m over my head with something I said, i’m better off dead.

I want to be remebered as the girl who always smiles even though her heart is broken, and could always brighten your day even if she couldn’t brighten her own.

You can not kill what you did not create, but you can make it wish you did.

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense?  Well that is how I feel right now.  I feel like i’m facing everything by myself, with nothing, but tears and a fake smile.

I’m going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like it’s all a dream, and pretend it’s not killing me.

A tear falls forever inside a broken heart.

My soul is lost in a haze of blood.

I love you, I hate you, I just can’t seem to forget you.

I don’t need anyone cause everyone forgot me.

It’s only in the silence I can hear him scream over and over again alone.

Lost in the heart of the dark.

Heart broken and heartless.

I can’t stop hating me.

I never was important.

Right then I knew I had fallen.

Don’t look into my eyes and see my tears, don’t look into my soul and see my pain.

How does it feel to know you’ll always be alone?

Even if you could tell I was crying, would you do anything to help it? Better yet would you even care?

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.

Broken promises don’t upset me.  I just think why did they believe me?

Please forgive me for not being pretty.

Hiding from the ones who will never understand.

Alone in my thoughts.

Wishing for that one special guy to love me for me.

Simply a look can break your heart.

Don’t pretend to know me when I don’t even know who I am.

No one understands why I cry.

My past has formed me into the person I am today.

Sickened eyes,  but no more tears to cry.

Why scream? Nobody will hear my pain.

Sorrow how deep is the sea of tears?

Happiness is just a word to me.

Hate me, or love me, but please just look at me.

Despite my strong desire, I started giving up.

For in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own.

It is not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices.

Think of me as a challenge.

Alcohol doesn’t fix the problem it only delays the results.

You don’t find answers in a shot glass.

I am just a fallen angel drenched in blood.

The world would be a lovely, quiet place if everyone’s throat was slit.

Not everything is black and white.